I just thought I would put this here for fun to see what thoughts it brings up. Something I wrote on July 12th after seeing GONZO, a documentary on Hunter S. Thompson...Hope you enjoy! XOXOXO!

Saturday, July 12, 2008


Welcome to my Brain and Thoughts..scary stuff...
Current mood: rebellious

It is 1:29 am and I am still going strong. Not tired, but frustrated and upset and moved, annoyed and a sense of passion has taken hold of my insides as if someone is inside screaming, scratching and clawing its way out.

So...on that note... I just got back from watching Gonzo (new documentary on Hunter S. Thompson) and this has been irking me for some time now, years, these thoughts that have conjured up concern and anger and frustration inside of me. I am not necessarily angry like I feel the need to break something physical (unless it is the structure) but more so the type of anger that wants to break the system or society or the mold or possibly slap the shit out of it. What have we become? Have we become some sense of greedy pigs who will do whatever it takes to get a buck? Have we given up this country by going as far as letting lobbyists buy out our government? Where the large corporations now have consumed our every day lives like leeches on fresh blood? I feel like I have many questions right now that may sound more of a rant but I promise you, they all mean something.

I feel like as a society we have become numb. We are all doped up on Prozac and senseless lies that we don't even care enough anymore that our nation is falling down and failing. We are not the America that we were once before. We used to all be filled with patriotism to the max. Now, however, we are maxed out on celebrity gossip and the bullshit the media proclaims to be "News". We are just sitting back letting these wars happen around us, and letting these big corporations and healthcare companies just rape us and we are the victims that sit back and don't speak out. I don't want to be the victim, I want to be the one who stands up for what they believe in. It may not be what you believe but luckily that's the only thing true that we still have left in this country is our inner voice. Even then we are fucking censored like a child who should be hushed during dinner and not to interrupt the adults.
I WANT TO INTERRUPT THIS BULLSHIT!! WHY DON'T YOU?

The laws we have today on drugs or the "War on Drugs" is ridiculous. When a man can serve more time in the prison system for getting caught with marijuana compared to the man who just molested a child is beyond my train of thought. I don't get the whole idea that we are "okay" with that. Why aren't we doing something as a whole to put an end to these laws? If we all come together as a society to change things or not stand for it any longer then why can't things change. This is the democracy type of nation that this government so arrogantly defends and pushes on other countries while this government doesn't even listen to all of it's people. Just the wealthy and the one's that are paying them off. Don't get me wrong, I am an American and I am proud and I love our soldiers but I am just pissed like a cat who's been rubbed against the grain of the fur and needs to cleanse it and comb it back to how it was. Hopefully, writing this will help it.

I feel like we all live in a society where the clothes on your back define who you are. Just a heads up, when all else fails and you don't have those labels you are left with, you end up with a false sense of identity and an empty mind. I don't think it is horrible to have nice things or reward yourself for a hard days work, however, to live only in the shadow of that label is just sad and pathetic. I feel that in today's society you can tell how well you are doing in life and how well you are not doing by what we "own", how big our house is, what kind of car we drive, where we eat, does this all really matter? Is it a must to go bankrupt to keep pursuing the idea of this? As Henry David Thoreau once said, " Bankruptcy and repudiation are the spring-boards from which much of our civilization vaults and turns its somersets, but the savage stands on the unelastic plank of famine." Here he is talking about the fact that now the new starvation or famine is to be bankrupt or without money. Where the valuables that the bank owns, owns you. You don't own that big house, the house owns you. You become consumed with debt and frustration over something really that is a box to provide you with warmth during the winter, cover during the rain and shade in the heat. I am starting to ramble on and on, welcome to my brain. This happens, ...a lot...

Now for Greed. Greed is a part of the cool clique that Materialism belongs to. However, these two (Greed and Materialism) are best friends but worst enemies. There is nothing worse of a combination when they mix but they are almost empty without each other. They need each other to feed off of one another like a vulture needs the constant remains of some roadkill left for dead.

If Greed was gone and Materialism diminished, what would society be like then? Would we all be our true selves? Would some of us be scared at the concept of who we truly are without these "things"? Could some people handle it? I don't think so. I don't think that these selfish, confused and delusional people could understand what things would be like without their...their..."things". These people remind me of pigs eating at a trough, stepping over one another, fighting for the last piece of more and more and more food to shove down their throats to fill up their completely full and overstuffed bellies. Was it worth it in the end? Was this greed worth the loss of the integrity? These are all rhetorical questions because I feel like there isn't anyone around enough to care to answer these questions with true passion and concern. Maybe a small few with their internal battles fighting for what is morally valid and I appreciate that and these are my closest friends along with my best friend/my heart, Brad. That is why I can call these people my best/close friends because we have discussions about these things all the time and honestly care about where we are headed not what designer we are wearing. However, this is one of my small, many battles. This is my internal battle that you are witnessing right now, just a tiny part of it. I say again, not ask, does anyone care anymore about each other or revolutions of any sort or the environment or even treating animals with respect, love and care?

I care.